Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
