break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
