is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
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