I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
