i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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