the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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