Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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