sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
