okay pat passed out under dana's car
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
