He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
