I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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