sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
