the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
