Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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