Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
