Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
