So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
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New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
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He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.