The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.