I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.