I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.