Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
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I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
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Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.