Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
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You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone