I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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