I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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