operation harelip BJ is a go
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
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He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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