i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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