It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
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He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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