i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
