take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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