I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
