ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?