i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
accomplished twins. life is a go
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.