Where did you get a picture of my penis
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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