So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
