I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
