sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
