There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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