I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
