Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
