I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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