you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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