im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize