i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
