btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
