I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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