I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
