i may or may not be watching the land before time
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
