I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
