If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
