I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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