Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
