I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
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You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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