remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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