and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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