My room smells like vodka and shame
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
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K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up