I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.