I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.