At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
