I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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