yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
