I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
