Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
