He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
