mondays should just be called national damage control day
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
