SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
