My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
