I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
