Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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